Meaning and Psychology

The separation of spouses from the union of marriage or the permanent end of marriage is called divorce. But not all marriages end through formal divorce. Some, in fact, especially in Indian society, marriages end quietly without formal dissolution. The emotional bond between husband and wife may cease, but they continue to live together for certain reasons; such a situation is referred to as a silent divorce. There is no court decree regarding the dissolution of the marriage; it exists only in name. Spouses are emotionally detached from each other. There is a lack of affection and communication between the partners. 

The term silent divorce has no legal origin, but it gains its origin from social and psychological perspectives, when there is an irreversible breakdown of marriage. Partners share a home or space but act like total strangers to each other. The marriage appears to exist for the outer world, but from inside, it has collapsed. Silent divorce is different from legal separation, because in legal separation, couples live separately according to the court’s order, but   Silent divorce has no legal recognition. Despite no legal recognition, courts have addressed similar situations like emotional abandonment, mental cruelty and constructive desertion. The courts have addressed that marriage is not only a physical relationship but also an emotional bond. Lack of emotions in marriage requires legal relief.

If we talk about psychology or the thought process behind silent divorce, it can be seen in emotional numbness rather than open conflicts. The partners emotionally withdraw from each other and avoid expressing feelings and stop expecting from each other. Over time, this emotional closure becomes a tool to avoid suffering and pain. The factors like lack of empathy, unmatched emotional needs, workload or societal stigma of divorce promote a situation of silent divorce. Psychologically, a silent divorce indicates a crash of emotional assurance and faith in the relationship. 

Silent Divorce in Practice

Silent divorce is a gradual process and occurs in stages. It does not happen in one go but begins with early signs of lesser communication, small disagreements, lack of deep talks and gradually causes coldness and disinterest among partners. Then spouses stop sharing intimacy. And in the final stages, they become complete foreigners to each other but share space because of social pressure, children’s responsibilities, or financial burdens. They refuse to take the initiative to resolve the problem. Such kinds of symptoms can be seen in cases of desertion and cruelty. In the case of Neelam Kholi v. Neelu Kholi (2006) [Neelam Kholi v. Neelu Kholi (2006) 128 DLT 360], the Supreme Court held that even if marriage legally exists, if there is emotional abandonment and harshness, it becomes dead in reality. It can be inferred that a silent divorce damages the marital bond irreversibly.

Legal Position of Silent Divorce in India

Section 13 of the Hindu Marriage Act provides grounds for divorce. One of the grounds under section 13 is desertion. Silent divorce and legal desertion sound similar, but these are different in nature and legal status. Silent divorce triggers the mental element without physical abandonment. In a silent divorce, partners may live together without an emotional connection. But legal desertion requires physical abandonment by the spouse or the intention of permanent separation. To apply for a divorce under the ground of desertion, it must continue for at least 2 years. But this is not the case in a silent divorce because it is not yet legally recognised. In Bipinchandra Jaisinghbhai Shah v. Prabhavati (1956) [Bipinchandra Jaisinghbhai Shah v. Prabhavati 1956 SCR 838], it was held by the Supreme Court that desertion is combined with two elements: the first is the factum of separation, and the other is the intention to desert. Silent divorce does not involve physical separation; hence, it is still invisible in the eyes of the law.

As a silent divorce is not a legally granted one, it’s a very informal way of separation without any court judgments or decree. It is about the emotional and physical void between the married couple, the distance that separates them. There might not be any huge arguments or disagreements, fights or abuse that would prove cruelty in a silent divorce; people or the “married couple” stay like roommates. This makes it very difficult to present any evidence of conflict or a silent separation between them. Couples exercise their right of companionship but only on the surface. Courts rely much more upon concert evidence like messages of abuse, certain unacceptable behaviours, and abandonment to conclude that the parties are emotionally or psychologically distant. The only evidence or witness in these cases is the testimony of family members or friends, therapists, or any documentation to prove prolonged neglect towards conjugal life. As a silent divorce lacks legal recognition, generally, the grounds of desertion or cruelty are established.

Judicial Recognition

As Indian law does not formally recognise this divorce. The cases need to fall under legally recognised grounds like cruelty, desertion, etc. The Hindu Marriage Act 1955 allows divorce on grounds like cruelty, desertion, adultery, etc., under section 13. Special Marriage Act 1954, Parsi law, and Muslim law also provide a process for divorce in detail and specifications. In the case of Samar Ghosh v. Jaya Ghosh (2007) [Samar Ghosh v. Jaya Ghosh (2007) 4 SCC 511], the Supreme Court highlighted that lack of companionship and emotional shutdown amount to mental cruelty. This shows that emotional suffering is as severe as physical pain. By judicial evolution, the Supreme Court under Article 142 of the Constitution can grant divorce where marriage seems to be irreparably broken with no chance of reconciliation. It is a plenary power under Article 142 to grant a divorce on the grounds of "irretrievable breakdown of marriage, The judiciary has also recognised emotional abandonment or dead emotion as indicative of a breakdown, even without statutory backing.

Social Consequences and the Need for Legal Reform

If we shed light upon the gender dimensions of silent divorces, it economically, financially and socially disproportionately impacts women. It happens due to sexism and gender inequality. Women usually suffer more due to limited access to property and a lack of financial independence. The social stigma around a 'divorced woman' is very harsh to date. Social stigma, judgments, and social discrimination are common. Traditionally, the women of the family are expected to keep the family and household together. They are seen as binders of the family, and this emotional toll deepens in the case of a deteriorating marriage, as the women will be labelled as the culprit of the deterioration and blamed for the fallout. Women carry not only financial and economic burdens, but also a heavy social burden, making it very hard to escape harsh realities.

Silent divorces harm children. Silent divorces normalise coldness and distance between partners. Children are very sensitive by nature, hence this constant silence can cause psychological and emotional distress. Signs of deep psychological traumas, like self-blaming, lack of validation, insecurity, and anxiety, are very common amongst them. Children need not hear loud fights or arguments; the lack of empathy and warmth is enough to scar them. Growing up in such an environment can model unhealthy relationship dynamics for them and may have a huge impact on their future relationships.

Irretrievable breakdown of marriage is recognised by the Supreme Court, though it is not a statutory ground in Indian law. Supreme Court grants divorce in situations where there is no hope of reconciliation, especially in cases of a long-term, emotionally dead relationship or lack of intention to continue from the parties. Irretrievable breakdown of marriage functionally resembles a silent divorce; it helps to dissolve marriages that are just living on paper.

A silent divorce can be reversed by the parties with the help of conciliation or mediation. Couples may seek therapy or mediation before a divorce is granted. The therapy or mediation acts as a chance for reconciliation and an attempt to save the marriage from falling apart. Couples therapy and mediation have had positive impacts. These therapies or mediations may not always be fruitful. They can be of no help in certain cases, like prolonged lack of communication and emotionally disengaged couples. 

Conclusion

Silent divorce is a social reality. Many married couples lack emotional connection to one another. Emotionally disconnected couples are a reality and are very common nowadays. In the case of a silent divorce, our law lags a bit; we need formal and legal recognition of it. Many couples reside together while the core of marriage emotions has already fallen apart. Scholars and many lawyers argue for statutory recognition through legislative reforms. With the change of time, there is a need for more modernised and new provisions in law.

Silent divorces are a reality for many couples in modern times. They are very normalised nowadays, but it's high time we acknowledge the severity and impact of it. We need to stop normalising emotional distance or disconnect between partners, as silent divorce may be prevented by a few early steps, like therapy and mediation. Legally, it hasn't been yet recognised, and usually the cases are covered under desertion or irretrievable breakdown under judicial interpretation. Indian courts need to humanise the family laws by interpreting the reality of the evolving time and its needs and demands. Marriage laws and family laws need to be realistic and align with the reality of modern India. 

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